April 13, 2010

The doctors came by a little while ago and I asked for a "no bull-poo" assessment of our little situation here. It is likely to be a long haul for our little warrior. While his resting heart rate is getting better, it's really not a positive indicator of his heart's overall viability. The true litmus test won't be confirmed until they perform a biopsy in about 6 weeks. They need to give it that much time for his body to get better and to make sure the medicines are doing what they need. It's that same old balancing act. Too little anti-rejection medicine and he gets sick. Too much, and he gets sick. It's like trying to balance a turtle on a turkey feather. It can be done, but takes just the right touch.

I spent some really good, quiet time with Garrett last night. He's still pretty scared and was crying a little, saying "daddy, I don't want it to be my time yet. I just want to go home". Those are pretty hard words to hear, especially for a 10 year old boy who should only be worried about "how many barn kittens do I catch today, which baseball games will I start at pitcher and do I get to see a bunch of rodeos this summer".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l09AJ9lXSE&feature=related

The whole situation reminds me of a song a friend sent to me two years ago. I swear this song was written by someone who read my thoughts and silent prayers. If you close your eyes and listen to the words, it really strikes a chord in me that is exactly how I feel sometimes. Truth be known, this song probably does that for many untold numbers of parents. Kids just shouldn't be allowed to get sick...but they do. I can only hold strongly to the belief that God will make something amazing out of the discomfort, like maybe we'll grow in our love of God and gain strength through their pain to continue to fight for them, or maybe garner courage to do what is right for them regardless of our personal or political motivations, and maybe, just maybe, we'll find enough tenacity to fight for a world in which our grandchildren may have a peaceful place to live. We have to be learning something from this, otherwise it seems so pointless.

I'm looking over at Garrett right now, and he's sleeping soundly. A well deserved and needed nap. Not far from him, on a little bench in the room, his baby sister is keeping watch. They normally don't let kids her age into this part of the hospital, but we've been around here for so long they understand the incredible bond between these two. Jessi is the most unselfish person I know, and they realize that her love is as important for Garrett's recovery as any medication they can give to him. I'm grateful they made an exception.

More to follow. Just needed a forum to jot my thoughts for a few minutes.

Find the blessings in your day.

JD