July 22

Over the course of the last week, really the entire summer, I’ve proudly written of Garrett’s tenacious resolve and warrior courage to take the fight to the enemy in this battle for his health.  Any casual observer should be able to recognize the firm commitment this young man has shown, even when others were wavering.  He lost his summer, more or less, and instead of doing what kids should do in the summer months, he’s had to fight.  Well, tonight the proverbial white elephant in the room showed his head.

At least I know why I didn’t rest last night.  Last night I had to run home to take care of a few things.  I didn’t sleep well.  Call it what you will, but daddies have an intuition.  I’m not taking anything away from mothers, who have an instinctive intellect far beyond that of most mortal men.  That’s why they make such good detectives.  They can “receive a vibe” from a room full of evangelists (or car full of kids) and sniff out the rapscallion before their male counterparts know a crime has been committed.  It’s just what moms do.  But dads, they know when something is wrong with their kids, too.  I was unfortunately right when something told me Garrett’s last biopsy was not going to be good.  Last night was more of the same, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

As we watched baseball and bull riding tonight, Garrett suddenly became very quiet and soft, and curled up close to me with tears in his eyes.  He then asked me what happens if this round of treatment doesn’t work.  Without acknowledging the white elephant any more than I will here, he shot one across its bow by admitting he’s scared.  He said “daddy, I’m scared and I just don’t know what will happen if we don’t get it this time.”  Adding to his apprehension is that fact that although his symptoms have been minor in comparison, he is having some which include discomfort, joint pain, and heartburn and is developing hypertension.  His blood pressure and heart rate are sure higher than we want.  They tell us it’s not surprising because these can be resulting from the harsh medications he’s getting in the chemo. Still, it’s concerning.

We know that his immune system is highly compromised now.  We can deal with that.  We know he’s going to puff up some and get flushed.  We know he’s extra sensitive to heat, because if it.  We can deal with those.  What we don’t know yet, and he finally acknowledged, is what happens if this doesn’t kill the T cells causing the rejection.  It’s one of those questions a daddy can’t answer.  So I wiped his tears and hid my own as his mom and I prayed with and over him.  That’s the point of this post.  He saw a boy today who is waiting for a heart.  He doesn’t want to be that boy again.

Please focus your prayers for Garrett’s continued courage in the face of this faceless enemy.  His bravery and steadfast resolve has truly carried me this time.  I thought it was my job to pick him up, but when we got the call this time, his momma and I felt the rug get yanked out from under us.  We hadn’t recovered from the first campaign this spring, only to get notified that our little cowboy was going to have to wade into battle again. Garrett’s attitude has picked me up.  He’s kept me strong.  It’s my turn again.

Life isn’t fair, but we aren’t asking for fair.  We only ask for the strength and wisdom to stand tall and recognize the grace of our Precious Jesus as He wraps us in His merciful arms, carrying us through this trial.

After this round of treatments, we’re back to that time welding process of waiting for the next biopsy and the “news.”  That time moves like pond water and will surely be heavy for him to carry.  He can do it.  I’ll walk every step with him.  But your prayers for him will help him stay strong emotionally during the next few months.  So thank you for all you’ve sent up so far and for all those you’re about to.  I know they work.

The only answer I could think to give him tonight after we prayed was this……We can handle the “if this”  because we know we’ll be focused on “then that.”  If this happens, then that is our goal or our celebration.

God bless you all.

JD