April 27, 2010

Jessi and I spoke to Garrett a little while ago as he was getting ready for bed. I'd made it an entire day away from him and his mommy and only had to call them 6 times. I did great! Jessi and I even found a little time this evening to mess with a couple horses for and hour or so and enjoy a pretty spring evening. Like the man said, "the outside of a horse is good for the inside of man".

Garrett was in a great mood and said this is the first day in about a month when he didn't hurt someplace on his body. God is so good and Garrett is so happy! His days keep getting better and better. His mommy said he sit's around watching baseball and eating. The steroids make him hungry all the time, so he wants to graze constantly. She makes sure he's grazing on fruits and veggies so he won't swell up like a bloated carp! We can't let him do too much yet, because his heart isn't ready to be tested. For a busy little guy like Garrett, that's a tough order.

We hate to get too excited just yet and the doctors have drilled that into us also. They said as bad as Garrett's rejection is, it would not surprise them for him to back slide again and have to kind of start all over. They even kind of expect it. That sure wouldn't be fair, so let's pray that won't be the case. I think he's paid his dues.

Kathy said she heard from someone today who asked her how she "does it". We hear that alot, and it's in kindness when stated. But the reality is that you really have no choice. When your child is fighting for his or her life, no matter how many bumps, set backs, disappointments and scares, you can't just run and hide. Believe me, there had been times when I didn't feel like I could take another step and my own heart felt like it would burst, and times when the tears made puddles on the floor from anguish, terror and frustration. But if this fight took every dime we have, every day we have and even our own lives, we would never give up the fight. God has blessed us with enough "breaks" between fire fights that we can sort of re-group and come back strengthened for another assault. The real enemy at times is when you find yourself worrying about the future and the "what ifs". That's a dangerous pattern to follow. If we spent time worrying about the reality of pediatric transplant survival rates, we'd go crazy. Each day is special and we're blessed to have one more day, each day. Bucking horse riders like to say that you have to ride him "one jump at a time". This is true in life.

I've read many stories of prisoners of war who've endured years and years of physical and mental torture and stories of soldiers who found strength they never had before in the middle of the most horrific circumstances. I've been honored to meet some of these men and a resounding theme runs through all of them. They tried to make every day a victory. They all have faith, friendships and an unrelenting will to survive, to not fail their families and to win. So do we. You see, courage is not the absence of fear, but the God-given will and tenacity to fight a good fight, knowing that losing the battle would be worse than not fighting at all. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself only aids the enemy.

Well, I'd better sign off for now. I have another issue with Garrett I need to work out. When I spoke to him, he was watching...WWE. He was watching wrestling when a Rockies game was on! I was appalled. He assured me that he'd watched the Rockies until they were up 11-0 and no longer needed his help. But still.......wrestling over baseball. What next?

Have a great day capturing all the good things, fighting for the important things and ignoring the little things. Save that energy for the big battles that surely will come.

Be blessed,

JD