May 4, 2010

Garrett had a really good day today! He felt good, even though his heart rate nearly reached 150 bpm today. Trying as best we could to "ignore" the heart rate as long as he's feeling good, we enjoyed the warmth of a beautiful spring day together.

The kids and I lay in a hammock together for a while and for some reason, we got the giggles. After a few minutes, none of us could stop. It was one of these precious few moments that we get right now, where God allows us to, for just a short time, completely forget the reason we're all together in Denver in a hammock. Instead, we just held on to each other and rocked gently in the breeze and laughed for no reason at all. It was incredible.

I decided to head back home today. Work commitments make it hard for me to justify being gone more right now since he's starting to feel better. I have promised them and myself though, that if he continues to feel good next week, I'm going to take a few days just to enjoy being there when we're not scared out of our minds. I don't want to limit my time with them only to those times when he's having it pretty tough.

As I got ready to leave this afternoon, Garrett and Jessi came up to me with puppy dog eyes and asked "daddy, can we play catch?". I don't care what else was happening in the world, I was not about to pass up that chance. I didn't care when I got home, as long as I got to work on time tomorrow. So we got out the gloves and threw the ball until mommy decided Garrett had been active enough for one day :-) He just needs time to be a little boy sometimes. That helps him heal as much or more than any medicine.

The kids cried when I left and I must have gotten dirt in my eyes because they got a little wet, too. I hate leaving them. Kathy's nervous for me to be gone, but we have to believe what the doctors are telling us. This will take time and patience. We don't know why his heart rate keeps creeping up, but he feels good today and that's good enough. There's more questions than answers right now. She called me three times tonight before they went to sleep, just to confirm that he's ok. I've got both phones turned up loud next to the bed and I'll come a runnin' tonight if she gets too scared. Sometimes I have to leave just to show them that I'm not too scared (right) because they're going to feed off of my reactions, too. As long as 'daddy' looks ok, then everything must be ok. Right?

As I pulled in close to home, I saw the neighbor lady's place with part of her gate down. I feel bad because I told her I'd fix her fence about a month ago, then this all started. Maybe I'll have time to grab the welder and head over there in the next evening or two and put up some pipe for her. Normally, my little helpers would be there under their own welding hoods to ensure my work is satisfactory.

The world keeps spinning regardless of our personal trials or victories. It just seems to spin a little smoother when we're enjoying victories more. Today was a victory. Garrett felt good. He doesn't have the energy that he did a few months ago, but from where he's been lately, it was a big step. From the fear of the unknown that seemed to take too much of our thoughts lately, these children brought us to a point of joy today that we needed. We enjoyed laughter for no reason at all, threw the ball together, and for a while we didn't worry.

The joy I get from my children and the lessons they teach me make me a better man. Even in the midst of trials, their selfless love and laughter shows the resiliency and innocence we all need to learn from. I guess that's why we should always make each day prayerful. Even the bible tells us to "Give thanks in all circumstances, because this is God's will for you". If the kids weren't thankful for the moment, laughter would not have come. Jesus told us in Luke to "let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these"..."anyone who does not receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it." He was telling us to follow their lead.

I owe my kids a great deal of thanks for giving me this gift today. They've been scared, hurting and displaced from their "normal" life over night. Garrett thought he was coming up for a check up and didn't get to go home again. Instead of feeling sorry for himself, he and Jessi just keep looking for ways to be happy. As adults, we tend to look at problems like a calf looks at a new gate. Dumbfounded and not knowing what to do next.

I got a message tonight from the hospital regarding Garrett's biopsy surgery. I'm assuming they are going to move it up sooner, because of where Garrett is right now and the fact that he's not improving as quickly as we'd hoped. I'll find out soon enough and won't tell Garrett until I have to. But tomorrow brings new challenges, so I guess it'll really just have to be opportunities for laughter and victory. I think that's what the kids would do. That's what I'm going to do for them tomorrow. I'm going to follow their lead.

Hope your day is victorious.

God bless,

JD