May 6, 2010

Checkup days are always preceded with anticipation and typically followed by exhilaration, trepidation, disappointment or relief. Sometimes it’s a surplus combination of all the above. Today was one of those days. Garrett has his definite “favorites” when it comes to nurses at TCH. When it comes to drawing blood, Chantelle wins hands-down. His fingers and arms are so laden with scar tissue that it takes just the right touch to open the wound enough to get a good supply for the sample without having to conduct second, third or even fourth attempts and subsequent needle jabs. The fact that she always brings a stack of baseball cards doesn’t seem to hurt, either. She happened to be off today and Garrett was not happy. She didn’t get clearance from him before scheduling her leave time.

The rest of the visit seemed to go without issue. He is now back at the same weight he was a month ago, his lungs, liver and kidneys seem to be working pretty well and his heart rate was in the 120’s. They said he looks good and is improving. By 5pm we hadn’t heard back on the echo report or lab results. That makes for a long day waiting for news. I’ve always felt that no news is good news, but mommy tends to think they're trying to build up their vocabulary and guts to tell us what went wrong. We were both right.

The echo showed that Garrett’s heart function has improved since Monday, which is great! But they also found a “gallop” rhythm. They haven’t heard that since he first came in when the rejection was at its peak and his heart rate was high. It stayed for several days then went away. The gallop rhythm means that instead of two distinct heart sounds, he’s got three or four. When combined with an accelerated heart rate, it could indicate potential heart failure. But it could also be just something the heart is doing on its own as it heals. For now, all we can do is ride out the next several days and see if he continues to feel better or starts showing signs of insufficient blood supply.

For now though, Garrett feels so much better than he did a few weeks or even days ago. Again, trying to figure out how he’ll be next week is like trying to herd cats. This will take time, lots of patience and a gentle approach with the ability to adapt quickly if needed. We just have to put the “what ifs” aside and simply enjoy his good days of victory.

I got to chatting with a friend of mine today about the time we've spent in the hospital over the years. It kind of goes like this: In October of 1994 I found myself in a bit of a predicament. I was laying out in a pasture by myself, about a quarter mile from a house, with my right leg pointing off toward left field and blood leaking out the top of my boot. A rope horse of mine had a momentary loss of anything resembling sanity and showed his new shoes to the clouds. Problem was, I happened to be in the middle of him at the time.

That little hickup commenced what would be an 18 day hospital stay complete with obligatory accouterments. Nice staff and all, but I made my mind up then and there that I would make a point to discontinue residing in such facilities in the future. Some 15+ years later, I've determined that God has quite the sense of humor. In the last 10 years alone, I've lost track of the number of nights we’ve spent feigning sleep in a hospital recliner next to Garrett’s bed. Looking back, I find it much easier to be the one plugged in to the tubes instead of keeping prayerful vigil at the bedside of a sick child. Worry seems to drain me more than injury.

In Garrett’s first year of life alone, he spent more than four months in the hospital. Over the years, we’ve celebrated holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and a 1st communion in a hospital room. We’ve laughed, cried, played, argued and even danced in there. We’ve watched countless baseball games, rodeos, football, movies and Dora the Explorer. We’ve studied, prayed, had church, authored letters and memos, work documents and thank you cards. We’ve experienced elation, fear, panic, dread, anxiety, appreciation, anger, joy and calm. We’ve made, and lost, new friends. We’ve shared in their joys and comforted them in their sorrows. We’ve been blessed with opportunities we wouldn’t otherwise have had because of this journey. And it’s all because God needs Garrett’s journey to help Him do something special. We don’t know what that is, but we’re keep praying for the grace to accept it.

If some part of this little expedition can be used to help someone, somewhere, then we’re hopeful our participation is adequate.

Still, I'd prefer a log cabin in the woods somewhere.

Be blessed. We are!

JD