April 28, 2008

April 28, 2008

Welcome to springtime in Colorado. We had planned a nice little diversion for a few hours on Saturday. Darren’s mother, stepfather and a few siblings who wanted to meet the boy who has their brother’s heart were scheduled to come down from Cheyenne to visit. They called early and said it was snowing too badly to chance the roads. I looked outside. It was sunny and calm. Are you kidding me? About 30 minutes later I went outside to get something out of the car. The nice, sunny day had changed and a cold north wind blew in. A very cold wind. Y’know, the kind that will suddenly freeze the boogers in your nose? It was brutal for even a few minutes. Within the next few hours, we had more wind, some sun, then windblown snow, then sun. Crazy.

Sunday was a different story, and Darren’s family came down on a beautiful Bluebird day. The visit was emotional and spiritually uplifting. I wish there were a way for me to assuage the anguish they undoubtedly will always feel. I know seeing how healthy Garrett is becoming, helps a lot. They are really wonderful and very outdoor oriented. We’re hoping to plan a fishing or hunting trip together this year. We finished off the day with a special visit from the family of our Godson. One of the most wonderful Christian families ever, and a true source of strength for us. This came just when we needed it.

For some reason we have all been experiencing tough dreams lately. Mine replay the sleepless nights of prayerful vigil next to Garrett’s hospital bed. More than once during that time I cried out in a screaming voice that only God and I heard, “Please Jesus, help me! Help me protect my family! Help me to fight this untouchable bastard, death, that keeps clawing at my son and at the hearts of his mother and me!” But I know that to the day, my God has not forsaken me. He keeps putting me in just the right place, at just the right moment in time to hear His voice. The same way some unmistakable, yet unheard voice, told me to push and push until we found out why Garrett was hurting back in February. We have so much to be grateful for, yet these dang thoughts still enter our minds when we’re most vulnerable.

We have spent much of the past few days going over in our minds where we are at, where we’ve come and what we have yet to encounter. The family does a good job of trying to putting up with my mindset, and that is every new challenge is a mission and tactical planning is a must. It’s the only way I can keep from losing it sometimes. We are a team. We survive as a team and take each bump as a team. We take each day as a new victory and try not to think too far down the road, although admittedly, I am the biggest transgressor in that arena. Back in my tactical days, I would always tell my guys to “put on your game face” as we readied for a new mission. This is what we'll have to do soon, as they have moved Garrett’s biopsy surgery up a few weeks to May 6. He doesn't know yet. Nor have we told him that his grandpa was just diagnosed with prostate cancer last week. He’s enjoying his days right now as best he can. The isolation from ‘normal’ he feels weighs heavy enough without adding more to him. Both kids are a little crankier lately. I think the walls are just closing in a little. This 14x16 room gets smaller all the time, but an influx of new families forces us to be more secluded to prevent possible germs being picked up and making Garrett sick. A couple of families who came in were carrying the flu without knowing it.

Don’t forget that your prayers send an energy that we can feel. They are sustaining and help us to fight loneliness. Please hold some prayers for little K.J. who is very sick again, and for a baby in the room next to us who is fighting terminal cancer. These kids and their families are in every room in this place, and they all need our prayers.

Until next time, stay safe and God bless you.

JD