It's a '1'...and That's a Win!!

It’s a ‘1’….and that’s a Win!

We got the call and it was good news!   Garrett’s pathology report came back a “1.”  Scored from 0 – 4, live “bad” cells are scored with 0 being cell free and 4 being life threatening.  In July, we were a ‘3.’  This means that while bad cell this exist, we’re killing them and the prognosis is good for them to continue to die off after all the treatments.

It’s funny how you can really stressed that sometimes don’t realize it.  Sleep has not come too readily this week.  The little gerbils in my brain just won’t stop running on that d@mn wheel.  Last night they must have had some Red Bull or a pot of coffee, because those little devils ran their legs off. 

I laid with Garrett three different times throughout the night, but he’d keep waking up.  Partly from the pain at the incision cite, and partly from the worry he refuses to admit.  Kathy tried to sleep but it was fitful. 

Yesterday was fairly uneventful.  The day of the biopsy always seems to go relatively smoothly.  The last few days Garrett was wound like an 8 day clock and the night before he, Jessi and his “brother from another mother” Gavin, played in the pool and ran up and down the halls of the motel.  The morning of he stayed cool, flirting with nurses and doing pushups every so often to make sure his veins were open for the needles.  It really wasn’t until just before we wheeled him into the operating room that the fear, stress and fatigue finally took over.  My 14 year old not-so-little man fought the tears that eventually found a way down his cheek.  Kathy kissed him and asked him what scared him most, and he replied that he didn’t want to be in rejection any more.  I sang softly to him, “Jesus is calling” until he fell asleep in the O.R., again claiming that first tear as my own.  It’s our ritual and we’ve replayed it 35 times now.

He didn’t want any more hospital stays…no more treatments…no more chemo…no more picc lines…no more being away from home…no more serum sickness…no more having to pretend that ‘this’ is normal…no constant reminder that something was trying to kill him.  He needed a break.  We all did.  God knew that and responded His merciful way.

Normally the “day after” phone call comes to me.  I’ve designed it that way.  I want to be able to temper the news and relay it to Kathy in a “need to know” but not so “hospital-eze” flat and sterile manner.  Today, Kathy got the call.  It was good news, so they called her first. 

She broke down yesterday when they came out after surgery and told us Garrett’s heart looked good.  The pressures were better than a month ago, but we wouldn’t know the whole story until the pathology report.  She’s had so many nights of crying in her sleep, wondering if her baby boy would see another birthday.  She’s witnessed the pain he’s endured, the mental torture and the steadfast drive that keeps him pretending he isn’t scared.  She carried this beautiful living miracle for 9 months and has a connection that only mothers understand.  It’s the not knowing that is the worst, especially when everything we’d expected the past several months has turned out to be wrong.

Today the tears flowed again, even from me unexpectedly, as months of prayer, worry and hope consumed much of our time and energy.  Tonight, we celebrate life.  We celebrate the incredible mercy of our God and the unending love we don’t deserve.  We joined together on our knees in front of the Alter of our Lord and gave thanks for our many gifts. 

Tonight Garrett is bouncing around like a new puppy.   He is so happy and you can see the weight lifted off.  He told me that it’s hard to believe we don’t have to head back to the hospital again in the morning for more treatments.  While we’re still waiting for a few more test results, we do know that the T cells are dying, and that is a victory!  The relief is incredible………

Thank you all, too, for your undying support, love and prayers.  We are truly blessed.