May 13, 2010

“Dinger” had another checkup today and his heart rate was down to 116. That is the lowest it's been yet. We're not yet to our goal the 90's, but we're sure a whole lot closer than the 150's a few weeks ago. Kathy said that there was no change in his echo this time, but at least it didn't get worse, and the gallop in his heart seemed a little softer today. The waiting game continues, but we're only days away from having finally some answers to so very many questions.

He sounded good on the phone today, if maybe a little apprehensive about his surgery next week. While still missing his friends and animals and just wanting to come home, he's in pretty good spirits. I told him that I’d take him to a Rockies game the week after, when he’s ok to go. He thought that was just pretty okay! That boy love’s his Rockies. He got the nickname “Dinger” from his team mates a few years ago because he was hitting so many home runs, and it stuck because “Dinger” is also the nickname of the Rockies mascot.

I talked to Garrett for a while today about the biopsy. I could tell he needed to be placed at ease that everything will be ok. I reassured him that I would be with him next week, just as I always have. We have a deal and it’ll always be that way. I’ll carry him in and lay him on the table, kiss him and tell him I love him, wipe that first tear from his cheek and stay by his side while they give him the sedative. Only once he’s asleep will I leave him. That’s my promise to him. I’ll be the last face he sees before he sleeps and the first face he sees when he wakes up.

Dinger continues to have night terrors/bad dreams in which he reacts violently in his sleep, screaming out incoherently most of the time. Sometimes you can understand him asking "please make it go away". You can’t wake him. We’re so grateful that for the most part, he doesn’t seem to remember the dreams when he wakes up in the morning. Tonight Kathy said she had put a small mattress on the floor and was letting Garrett sleep on the big bed next to her. She said he “needs so much room” when he starts kicking around. Isn’t that just a mother’s love to give up her bed to her baby boy? She is something so special. Someday I hope to give her a weekend at the Broadmoor with a big, soft bed where she can just stretch out and be pampered.

I spent a lot of time last night thinking back two years ago when Garrett and I watched a news story about little Nicholas who was terribly hurt in a farm accident at his home near Ft. Collins. We were about two weeks out from Garrett’s heart transplant, and when we saw the story, Garrett wanted to do something for Nicholas. The next day after his checkup, we dropped some gifts off at the ICU where Nicholas was clinging to life. Before we left the hospital, Nicholas’ folks found us and wanted us to meet Nicholas. I remember going into his room and seeing this beautiful little boy fighting for life, plugged into so many machines….much like Garrett was only several days earlier. We all laid hands on Nicholas, held hands and prayed. There was such a sense of divine compassion and love in that room. It was truly a very spiritual experience.

We stayed in close contact with Nicholas’ family through many days, but God called him Home. We were impacted deeply by their loss. I didn’t understand it then, and still don’t. Kathy and I attended the funeral and spent time with this family we hardly knew, but yet knew so well. At their request, I helped bury their son in the cowboy tradition of helping your neighbor bury their lost family members. With each shovel full of dirt, my heart weighed so heavily for Nick’s mom and dad. They shared so much in common with us and the scene could easily have been turned around. Nick was only 6 years old. They called us the day Nicholas died and told us that because of Garrett, they decided to donate Nicholas’ organs. A little girl in the mid-west received his heart. Beauty in the midst of tragedy and another family gets another chance because of selfless love.

The images of that time are indelibly branded into my memory. I’ve been given so many extra opportunities with my son and I will never take them for granted. Life is so very precious, and the life of a child is the most precious of all. Yesterday, Jessi received a year-end award at her school for being the “Most Respectful Student” in her class. I’m so happy for her and the pride I feel is immeasurable. We try hard, Kathy and I, to raise our children the way God wants us to. The bible tells us to “train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it”. I know Nick’s folks believe the same way we do. For reasons known only to Him, God has chosen to keep Garrett here. As a daddy, I am so very blessed and I’m more committed each day to serve our Lord faithfully and tell this story of His great love.

Tonight my prayers are for all of you. Just like the great friends I got to see today at different times, without your prayers and friendship our journey would be so much more difficult. We’re not unique in this situation, as there are so many families like Nick’s out there who are fighting to keep their babies for another day. We’re blessed by all of you. Thank you. You’ll never know how much your prayers are felt and your kindness helps carry our load. God bless you.

JD