Change In Plans May 2, 2013

Well friends, I'm not even sure where to start or what to say.  After a few tough days and waking today in his own bed, Garrett was feeling on top of the world.  He was as giddy as he'd been for some time, KNOWING that the bad part was behind us.  Unfortunately, the pathology report came back today with less than optimal news.

Garrett's left ventricle, showing those pressures that were not what the doctors wanted to see, was because he's in rejection again.  A very aggressive attack has begun on his heart and we are headed back to the hospital first thing in the morning.  Garrett will undergo a surgical procedure to put in a 'pic' line and begin infusion, in-patient treatments immediately.  The CT scan also shows sinus disease.  Since there is a direct relationship between the sinus' and the heart, treatment will begin immediately there, too.

We don't know why we have to go down this road again.  Garrett is scared, but also a little mad.  He was crying today and told me "daddy, I'm sorry I let you down.  I guess I didn't take good enough care of myself."  I've done my best to help him understand tonight that he's done nothing wrong.  This is just the way it is right now and we'll just have to stay strong and warrior through it.  To Cowboy Up.  He smiled and told me that we'll just have to knock this one out of the park.  His strength and resolve is encouraging.   I just wish he didn't have to show it so often.

I can't say more right now.  We won't know how long we'll be in Denver for a few more days, but I'll post when I know.  As we all knelt and prayed together tonight, we asked God for strength and courage for the upcoming fight.  We pray it's not as tough at 2010.  I know HE has the perfect plan and somehow this is part of it.  We'll keep trying to serve Him as best we can.

In Jesus' sweet name,

JD

Biopsy Today Update - April 30, 2013

I need to start off by apologizing to many who read this, who didn’t know Garrett had a biopsy scheduled.  He’s not sick, but this was needed.  Because of the severe rejection issues two years ago, they needed to go in and get a good look at how his heart was doing.  It was initially planned last spring, but because he’d had such a tough couple of years prior and had made such a remarkable comeback last year, they decided to give him a year off.   The anxiety of repeated hospital stays, surgeries, pokes, prods, harpoons and lances had taken their toll.  He needed a break.

So it was planned for today, but we kept it kind of quiet.  We didn’t want to make a big deal of it, for Garrett’s sake.  Just the same, it was a tough last few days.  Try as he could, the nightmares of days gone by crept in.  He couldn’t sleep last night, which meant none of us did.  This morning for the first time in a very long time, Garrett cried.  He tried to stay strong but was so scared.  He had his best friend Gavin with him, which was a God send.  But he cried and told me “Daddy, I don’t want to be here.  I’d rather be on the baseball diamond.  Tell Gavin “I’m sorry for crying in front of him.  I want to be the brother who’s not afraid of anything.”

As in 30 surgeries before today, I took that tear from his face and placed it on my own.  The only difference this time was that I couldn’t carry him into the operating room.  My back won’t take it.  He’s gotten so daggone big!  But I did suit up and walk beside his cart into the room and helped him onto the table.  As they started the anesthesia, I again softly sang “Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral” until his eyes couldn’t see me anymore and he slept.  Kathy and Jessi and Gavin all quietly wept, too, afraid for Dinger and of the unknown.   Too many times before we’d received rough news from a biopsy procedure.  This time was to be different.

This biopsy was the ‘full meal deal,’ going into both sides of the heart, all pressures, valves, arteries and veins.  The initial prognosis is very good.  His coronary arteries look amazing!  They are big and open and show no signs of failing.  The pressure in his left ventricle is higher than they want, but are not going to pass judgment until the pathology results come back.  If we get good news by Friday, it’s no looking back for quite a while.

He’s sleeping tonight in his own bed, connected to a bunch of wires for a Holter monitor.  The Holter is a portable device for continuously monitoring various electrical activity of the cardiovascular system for at least 24 hours.  It will monitor his heart EKG  and arterial pressures. It watches for occasional cardiac arrhythmia events.   They do this after the biopsy procedure because of the stress on the heart during the surgery, etc.

He’s still a little scared about what the “numbers” will come back as, referring to the system of measures the docs use to gauge the health of his heart and potential for rejection.  When he woke up this afternoon, his first words to me were, “how did we do daddy?  Did we hit a home run?  Do I have to stay in the hospital again?”  And he began to softly cry, afraid that like last time, he’d be in rejection. 

On the way home he remarked how his “uncle Doug” (Brigham) had to be with him today.  Doug was one of my very best friends and was killed in a helicopter crash last fall.  He was very close to Garrett and Jessi and championed for Garrett every chance he could.  In Doug’s memory, his wife and friends have started a foundation (http://www.dougbrighamfoundation.org/ )dedicated to helping families of first responders with medical bills.  Doug definitely was there with him today.

So a very long and very long overdue update comes to a close.  Garrett has started playing baseball again and his team won 12-3 last night in his honor.  It was a sign, I believe.  So, too, are the eye-black stickers he wears in his games.  Just like Tim Tebow, they read "Phil 4:13." (I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.)  Yes my little warrior cowboy, I believe we hit a home run.

God is good.  Don’t forget to thank Him.

Blessings to all,

JD

A Tremendous Loss...and Gain

This morning my very good friend and Brother-in-Blue, Doug Brigham, was taken from us in a helicopter crash.  Doug recently retired from the Pennsylvania State Police where he served as a Patrol Trooper, Narcotics Officer and ended his career after several years in their aviation unit flying helicopters.  Doug was truly a tremendous warrior, brother, husband, uncle and friend.  He blessed our lives in ways that words do not exist to describe.

Doug and I started our careers together 28 years ago with the Colorado State University Police Department in Ft. Collins where we were both full time students.  The friendship we developed then grew over the years and I could love him no more if we shared the same blood.

In recent years, Doug became "Uncle Doug" to Garrett and Jessi, going above and beyond in his desire to help share our burdens and was the tip of the sword for fund raisers in PA to help with our mounting bills.  The time we shared annually were short in tenure but long in memories. 

I will never forget him, his zest for life and his true Servant Leadership style that always thought of others first.  Even in his well deserved and short retirement, Doug continued to give back.  He was a volunteer fireman and used his great pilot skills to donate his talents and time to fly wounded veterans and sick folks to treatments.  In his last act of selflessness, he fought his crippled craft beyond a residential area so that no one would be hurt on the ground.

This is on "Garrett's Journey" because Doug was a huge part of this journey.  His life made our journey so much easier to handle.  We will always love him and his beautiful wife, Lisa.  They were matched in Heaven and shall meet there again.

Garrett and Jessi, like Kathy and I, are heart broken right now but we rest in the belief and peace that Doug is now flying without rotors, but wings.  The world lost a truly incredible man today.

Kiss your kids, love your spouse and let your friends know how much you care. 

God bless,

JD

2012 Update

Wow!  It's been a while since I've updated Garrett's Journey.  We've had such a blessed year, albeit with some challenges.  Garrett has had a tremendous year, is growing like a weed and turning into such a fine young Christian man.  I could not be more proud of him.

We have now crossed quite a mile stone, as it's been more than 12 months since we've had to spend the night in a hospital!! Darren's heart continues to beat strongly, proving that our God is GREAT!

Garrett, Jessi and I got to share some "field" time during Spring Turkey season, and it provided more memories to cherish.  "Dinger" will have quite a story to tell his grand kids some day about the time when a bear decided he wanted our blind.  It was pretty exciting for about 20 minutes as the ol' boar  stalked and "whoofed" at us from only 10 feet away!  I convinced him to go away...temporarily.

As the "Boys of Summer" came about, Dinger was ready.  True to form, Garrett took the field in baseball again, being chosen in the top 10 during tryouts.  While the team didn't win too many games, a few of the boys really shined.  Garrett was noticed by a AAA club who recruited him to play travel ball this fall.  It was a tough decision, but Garrett decided to try and play AllStars here so he could finish the season with his buddies.  He had a really good tryout and was again chosen in the top of the AllStar athletes.  While he wasn't as happy with his hitting this year, his on-base percentage was still very high and his fielding shined!  What really honed this year was Garrett's pitching.  Although his momma isn't too high on him pitching, he's really got a gift and it really showed in the first game of the AllStar tournament.  Garrett was asked to start on the mound and he delivered!  He pitched the entire game, not needing to be sub'd.  That saved the other pitchers for the rest of the tournament.  I'm including a picture of him pitching during that game, in a downpour (no; the picture's not out of focus.  It was just raining that hard)

The tale of the stats were that Garrett pitched 7 innings in a winning effort.  He averaged just a little over 12 pitches per inning and had great control of his curve ball.  I won't let him throw a traditional curve, but it's a "football" curve that does not put the normal pressure on a growing elbow.  Throwing upwards of 64 mph with his fastball, Garrett led the team to it's opening victory.

The rest of the year has been extremely busy as we sold our place.  It's not what we'd wanted to do, but in an effort to try and get control of out of control medical expenses and help my mom's expenses in her retirement community, it was what was needed.  We're starting over again....sure is a little spooky.  But, we hope and pray for a chance to one day again own our own place with some acres for horses and kids to play, and know God will lead us.  We love this place, but the super blessing is that our place was purchased by our Parish, so from now until far into the future, this land that has been so loved by us, will now be used to Glorify our Father and his Son.  Jessi put it best; she said, "daddy, you always said this place was a gift from God.  Now it's a gift to God."  How wonderful is her assessment of our blessings and it really put things into perspective.  My children continue to teach me.  She too, has stayed busy trying to rodeo when she can and really wanting to find a replacement for her aging barrel horse.  Again, we're asking God to help us make that happen.

The luxury of spending evenings at home ended in May when I transferred back to patrol.  The "trenches" have grown more dangerous and ugly, and my kids are old enough to see and understand the news.  They're not happy about daddy being out there, but catching bad guys is a good thing and leading honorable men and women is a responsibility and blessing.  I just wish  I could be home to help them with their homework.

A recent call I took at work has shaken my core and also driven home the many blessings bestowed upon me.  After 28 years of seeing man's inhumanity to man, this scene startled my soul.  It happens once in a while.  A beautiful young lady of 10 years and mature beyond what is right, was introduced to me through a horrific event she and her sibling had to endure.  The essence of innocence and unbelievable emotional pain hung in the air. But I see Christ in her eyes and know God brought them into my life to help me remember how truly blessed I am to have a whole family who deeply love one another, and that even in our challenges, we still need to reach out to help others who have less.  That is one of the remarkable honors of my job...the chance to help those who are truly in need, and working with some amazingly professional and caring folks.

I cannot go into it any further, but please pray for her family.  They have seen things they'll never be able to un-see, heard what they cannot un-hear and experienced life changing drama that is burned into their memory.  Wounds do not need to be seen, to know they are severe and deeply in need of intercession.   They have a long road ahead, but the obvious determination in their hearts will be fueled by God's love and a strong external family support system.  I will never forget her, or her very tender broken heart.

Don't forget to hug your kids every day and let them know you love them.  Let me tell you, I could not wait to get home and love on my family like I never have before.  And if you get the chance to show God's kindness to another child who just needs to know that there are adults who won't hurt them, do that too.

God bless you all.  More to follow.......promise.

JD

Merry Christmas 2011

As we prepare our hearts and our homes to welcome the Christ child, we think of you all and the blessings your friendships and prayers bring to us.

God bless you and Merry Christmas!

Been A While - November 15, 2011

Wow! It's been a while since I've written anything and I have no excuses, other than selfishness. By writing on this blog, I'm forced to deal with some memories that aren't all that fun. However, too many folks wonder how our little Warrior is doing and use this site as a reference. So, here we go!

Garrett has had a really good summer. He got to play baseball for the first time in the last three seasons, without having to quit early. The full season was really good for him and he excelled better than I expected. "Dinger" started every game and even made it to the All Stars, where he had one of the best tournaments of any kid on the team. You sure couldn't tell this boy ever had an issue.

As the summer wound down, Garrett got really excited for "middle school". I've never seen him that happy to go to school, but he really felt a sense of pride that he was getting through elementary and on to the big leagues! It really bothered him that he had to stay back a year because of his illness the past few years.

His excitement has dwindled some since then, because he's found out it's really just school again, but also because his immune system has been so compromised that he's catching every bug that comes down the pipe. He's missed a lot of school already this year and that bothers all of us. I just do not want him to have to be held back again. It would hurt too much. Fortunately, he has some really caring teachers and they are willing to work with us to help him catch up. Add to that the fact that a recent graduate of the Air Force Academy, a 2nd Lt., is willing to tutor Garrett for free! I just found out today. We are charging toward victory here, as well!

Since Garrett turned 12 this summer, he is old enough to hunt big game with daddy now. Through a friend-of-a-friend, Garrett was invited on an antelope hunt in Wyoming, on a ranch where only kids who've endured serious illnesses and wounded veterans can hunt. When we went in September, Garrett had the place to himself that day and harvested the buck of a lifetime! It was a very, very special day for us. The meat has been great and the trophy on his wall will bring back memories for many years to come. Just look at the smile in the picture. It says it all.

As we head into winter now, our sights are getting set on next spring when Garrett will have to endure yet another biopsy surgery. It will be the "big one" again, but we really need to know how his heart is doing. His general health has been all over the map this fall and it's been pretty frustrating. On the bright side, his nightmares have diminished considerably. It's heart breaking when that little guy is afraid to go to sleep. For now, though, we're going to set our feet for the long haul and prepare to sing "happy birthday" to our Lord next month. If Garrett can bring up his grades, 'Santa' has a nice little surprise coming.

I hope all of you remain as blessed as we are, and thank you for all the prayers. We don't know what tomorrow brings, we can't do anything about yesterday, so we'll prepare the best we can and make each new day the victory that it is.

God bless you,

JD

Happy Easter!

I could not think of a better time for another update than on Easter. Exactly 11 years ago tomorrow, we came home after Garrett’s first transplant. Diagnosed in utero with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, we waited 9 months for a heart….7 of those months after he was born. He lasted, at the time, longer than any child on record. He refused to quit then, and he refuses to quit today.

Since my last update in February, we attended the American Heart Association Heart Ball in Colorado Springs. It was the second year in a row that they’ve used Garrett’s story to help raise awareness and money for research. In 2011, they raised $25,000 more than the year before, in an economy worse than a year ago. The blessings continue to reign as we continue to hope that Garrett’s story will help other children and families.

Garrett was given a gift of a turkey hunt in Kansas by some really cool men who own a local company. The trip was incredible. It was shared with Warren and Hal, the brother and daddy of Darren, the boy who gave Garrett his heart in 2008. Watching these two boys grow in their relationship and enjoy the brother they both need, makes a lot of the tears, fears and heartache seem worthwhile. Garrett didn’t get his turkey, but he’s hoping for retribution next month as he repeats his last year’s hunt with our friend, Marv.

It was during the hunt last year that Garrett became sick and was almost taken from us within a week. A biopsy scheduled in May will hopefully tell us that he’s completely clear of any issues and we can relax a little more. Incredibly, just a few days before the Kansas trip last weekend, Garrett began complaining of chest and left arm pain. We took him in to the local hospital and within an hour they had him hooked up to an IV and put Flight for Life on standby. They were very concerned and thought Garrett was having little heart attacks again. Understandably, we were scared out of our wits. Garrett was petrified and at one point started pulling the monitor wires from his chest and crying that he was “out of here”. He said “daddy, I don’t want to die. I don’t want to go through this again!” I hurt for him and his momma and sister, and I’ve got to admit that some of the memories keep me looking over my shoulder, too. Sometimes it’s difficult to focus on anything, and becomes an unpleasant distraction. His anxiety is still fairly high at times and the nightmares come and go, but I know that good news on May 3rd will help all of us a ton. It will be a pretty big day as they plan to biopsy the heart and enter both sides of the heart and coronary arteries. A long and trying ordeal to be sure, but necessary.

In the mean time, Garrett’s playing baseball again. He started out pretty scared, because two out of the last three years he’s gotten sick during baseball season. It has nothing to do with baseball, but it’s hard not to think about the connection. But he finally moved past that fear and is having a great year. He went 3 for 3 at the plate the other night and 4 for 4 in the field. He’s back!

11 years ago tomorrow, the day after we celebrate the reason for our faith, God let us come home. In the time since, we’ve traveled many roads, shared a cacophony of emotions and seemingly crawled the journey through some of the bumpy times. But Christ’s promises keep us grounded and give us strength to carry the fight another day.

Life is good, so greet each day with a smile.

God bless you,

JD