September 15, 2010

Garrett’s Journey continues as the days tick by and we get closer to the biopsy surgery. The anxiety intensifies and questions still remain. He’s had an elevated heart rate lately and been complaining more and more of bad headaches and stomach discomfort. It’s hard to know if it’s related to just the stress or maybe something else, laying hidden and waiting to pounce. It's spooky!

I peaked at his homework the other night and he was working on a project where he had to write about his worst nightmare. He wrote (these are his words and spelling) “going to have a cath (biopsy) than everyone and everything goes rong.” It’s understandable why he’s scared, but I just want his fears to go away. Jessi and Kathy, too. They've carried a lot this year.

Kathy and I continue to try and keep their spirits up but we have our own moments, too. Kathy wants to go back to work to help our financial situation, but she can’t because of Garrett’s issues. We’ve had to bring him home from school too often and it’s hard to know when we’ll be “out of the woods”. She keeps her mind busy tending her flowers, making our house a home and working out when she can. The fear of the unknown her constant companion.

In order to maintain sufficient focus on the Journey and not deviate on too many side trips around “personal” experiences that really don’t have much to do with the presiding issues, I find myself with a conundrum of sorts. How do I use this forum to effectively transmit the story and yet formalize it to a personal level for each reader? It’s important, I believe, to strike a humble and delicate but practical balance between “reasonable and necessary” and “too much information” when relating some of the more sensitive matters without sounding like we’re feeling sorry for ourselves. So I like to fill in the gaps with some of the more pleasant and heartwarming anecdotes. Every day is shadowed by fear and apprehension, but overtaken frequently by the joys and gentleness that only God’s love can give.

Recently my kids have done a few things that pulled at my heart strings. Garrett was honored with the opportunity to throw out the first pitch, at the last game of the year for the sky sox. This was a big deal and not an occasion that lends itself to repetition. As is tradition, the catcher gave Garrett the ball as a memento. Knowing how crazy this boy is about his baseball, I knew this would be a souvenir he would relish for years to come. Yet Garrett had other plans. As he left the ball field to join us in the stands, he gave the ball to his baby sister! I have never been more proud of him for his display of love and unselfish actions. Then last weekend he was the guest of honor for a Cadet for a Day weekend at the Air Force Academy. He received a set of jump wings to pin on his custom flight suit and was told that it is tradition to wear them for a full 24 hours straight. At the end of the 24 hours, you hand them off to someone you love and want to be kept safe from harm. When the 24 hour period was up, Garrett gave his wings, again, to his baby sister.

As parents we always try to teach our children to respect and emulate examples set by many of our fine law enforcement officers, fire fighters, emergency care workers, soldiers, airmen and sailors, and to comprehend why it’s so important to live a life of service to others first. When I see them do things like this for each other, or someone else, it gives me so much satisfaction to know that somehow, they’re getting the message. So much has been done for Garrett, and all of us, that it wouldn’t surprise some to see him act “spoiled”. With God’s grace, he hasn’t. And Jessi.....it's all for someone else. Always.

So since this was originally intended to be a diary of sorts to capture moments before they drift from my thoughts, I’ll continue to jot some notes about daily life as we know it, because it’s all about the “Journey”, which includes the precious times that reveal how truly blessed we are.

With His strength and trying to truly live the words "Thy will be done",

JD