May 2, 2010

A short update tonight. We just got done praying as a family for strength, healing, and appreciation for what this journey is doing for us. We're closer as a family, we're closer to our God and we're being blessed each day by more folks who love Christ being brought into our lives.

Garrett's resting heart rate was up to 137 today. I phoned the on-call coordinator with the transplant team. Several phone calls and visits with cardiologists later it was decided to give him another dose of a diuretic. We're hoping that it's just side effects of the medicine he's on to fight the side effects of the medicine he was taking to fight the rejection. We'll find out more in the morning.

Kathy is very scared tonight. There's just so much we don't understand about why these changes are occurring again. I told the nurse today on the phone that I don't even trust my own instincts anymore regarding Garrett. Every time we think there is something up, they run myriads of tests only to come up with more question marks than answers. It happened in January of 2008 and we know what happened in March of that year. It happened in February of this year and he got sick anyway. Now in these past two days, my gut tells me that something is up again but the nurses are not overly concerned. It's quite a chess game. I hope they're right.

As Kathy quietly cried on my shoulder tonight, out of sight and sound of the children, I reassured her as best I could. I hope I was convincing. She deserves to rest peacefully tonight. Garrett had a few really good days and is probably just a little tired from the activity.

I had a brief conversation with a friend today and we discussed prayer. It's not "when we pray", it's a better question to ask "when don't we pray". Each breath of each day should be for God. To talk to Him like the friend He is. To cry to Him when we're scared. To laugh with Him when we're happy. To thank Him for every gift and to trust in Him that His plan is perfect. I think life can be a prayer when we try for Him. Formal prayer is beautiful, but informal prayer is constant. At least that's what I try to do. I know I fail miserably, but I have to reach for it. We're ok tonight. He knows what He's doing.

Morning is coming, and with it more answers. May our Lord God grant you peaceful sleep and His angels keep watch through the night.

JD