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It’s now shortly after noon on Friday, June 25, and Garrett is finally resting. It’s been a long morning for our cowboy. When I got to Denver last night, Garrett was already pretty anxious about today because his fears of having to get another IV were overtaken by the immense concern that the infusion might burn like it did last time. We tried to reassure him, but couldn’t lie and tell him it wouldn’t. We hoped, but just didn’t know. Unfortunately, his doubts were confirmed this morning.
The little bumps turned into bigger ski jumps. When we arrived at 7am, they weren’t ready for us. After 11 years of dealing with Garrett, they know that he has some PTSD symptoms from all the trauma he’s had to endure. In the past his transplant coordinator has done a good job of prepping the staff so Garrett sails through with few hickups. This usually includes having everything in place, making sure an anesthesiologist is available to conduct the IV and give him oral cocktails to help him relax. This process all stems from the hundreds of IV’s he’s had over the years that have damaged and scarred his little veins. They average 3 needle sticks for one IV, and then the chemo-type meds have a tendency to burn. Sometimes they make him very nauseous as well. Put that in to about 30 IV sticks since the first of April and you can understand why he’s a little upset that it might hurt.
Unfortunately, Garrett’s normal coordinator is gone on family bereavement leave and a proxy is filling in. In addition to not calling Kathy twice this week to update us on blood tests, as is the norm, this person apparently didn’t read the history and failed to have anything in place. This significantly increased the wait time and subsequently, the anxiety level. Fortunately, I had sort of a suspicion this might happen and had called ahead yesterday to ensure an anesthesiologist was ready. The initial needle stick went well, but without time to get pain and relaxation meds ordered by the forgetful proxy, the burn of the infusion meds was too much for him to take. He was in a lot of pain and then got nauseous. He threw up. They had to stop the infusion. Garrett begged for a pic-line. He said he didn’t care if he had to stay in the hospital another week, he wanted the pain to go away. Doctors told him that a pic-line was not an option this time, so the only option was another IV spot because the first one was in too small a vein. We needed to find another, bigger vein.
Through the first series of jabs, sticks and harpooning, I watched him grimace and squall as the chemical medications burned up his arm. Then Garrett started and kept up a breathing pace that impressed the nursing staff. How many 11 year olds know tactical breathing? It's a battlefield proven method to contradict some of the body's natural reaction by working to combat stress. He did a great job and took the last two pokes, including a blown vein, without a tear or sound. He said “daddy, I really tried to cowboy up and not cry but I just want it to go away”. I assured him that he owes nobody an apology. Even the toughest warriors in history have cried. They just came back fighting, exactly like he does.
It's hard to try and explain to him why he has to hurt and get sick in order to get better and go home when I don't understand it myself. I just know that God has a perfect plan and we need to trust in Him. But three more sticks and two blown veins later, we finally are in business. I know I’ve said this before, but there is not a dang thing fair about this process or anything this boy has had to go through. It hit pretty hard today for some reason and I was not too gentle with how I handled the absent minded nurse. I’m just a little tired of seeing him in pain and seeing his momma and sister crying because they’re tired of seeing him hurting. Kathy gets very scared when the nurses don’t call and are supposed to. History has shown us that it’s usually because they have found something wrong and are taking another look. Kathy has had to call the proxy to remind her to do her job. We can’t wait for our nurse to get back.
Even though we were here early we got started pretty late because of the administrative glitches, so it looks like we won’t be out of here until late tonight. He’s about four hours in to a 6 hour infusion round then has two shorter ones after that. If he’s still doing ok, we get to go home tonight. I’ll let you all know.
On a lighter note, I performed some minor oral surgery on Jessi today to help a loose tooth get ready for the Tooth Fairy. It was successful, even without a maxillofacial degree. We also gave one of Garrett’s “Cowboy Up” bracelets to a little boy who got hit by a car. Poor little guy was peeled by the asphalt and still manages to try and smile.
God bless and have a great weekend. We’ll update once we know how he’s handling the meds this time. The sun is up, the birds are singing and it’s a pretty day regardless of how tough it started.
JD
P.S. - Oh, that absentminded nurse? I spoke with a doctor and told them I fired her. I want one who’d be on the ball and will spend a little time finding out about her kids. Garrett and Kathy have earned that much.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Father's Day
Happy Father’s Day to all the daddies out there! My Father’s Day weekend was very special and blessed because God gave me the chance to spend it with my two wonderful kids and their incredible mommy. For a few precious moments, we were reminded of who we are together. One more time the doctors let him come home to decompress before we enter the battleground again. Garrett heads back to the hospital this week as we start another round of infusion treatments. It’ll be a challenging week to be sure, but it’s just another step in the journey we have to take. He's starting to get scared about it and he knows the biopsy is just around the corner.
But for a day or two, we got to put it behind us and just be a family together again. These two days magnified the love I have for my family and my commitment to fight until my last breath to raise honest, ethical and self reliant kids who live every day for God. Being a daddy is a passionate vocation. In my line of work, I’ve seen too many kids who don’t have a daddy. Oh, they have someone who fathered them, but they don’t have a daddy to inspire and motivate them. God ordained daddies with a monumental task. We are to love our children enough to encourage them and give them courage, but also enough to discipline them and keep them focused on the right things. But we also have to balance it just right so as not to raise a spoiled, selfish egotist and not so hard that we break their spirit. With a prayerful iron fist in a velvet glove I try to give them what they need to survive. I just don’t know if I’m doing it right, but I’m giving it all I have. Fortunately, I have Kathy. Mommy's job is to make sure I'm on track. It is the most frequent prayer I offer to the most loving of Fathers. I don’t want to fail my children. I want to help them find their path to Heaven.
Before we turned in for the night I talked with the kids about the cleanliness of dirt. One of the best gifts I can give my kids is good dirt. The kind of dirt you’d find on a ball field, or a rodeo arena, or in a hunting camp helps inspire a clean life. I explained how healthy it is to get dirty cleaning pens or the dog kennel. It’s hard to express in words they can understand how calluses, splinters, blisters and dirt under the fingernails help them become better warriors. So many kind people got really dirty cleaning up our place a few weeks back, and they left that day absolutely sparkling clean.
Good dirt is one of the best ways there is to get clean. Few things clean the soul like good, clean dirt. Conversely, few things damage the mind and soul like evil dirt. The kind of grime you find on a computer screen or television produces filth unlike any other. Hollywood doesn’t give a pinch of owl poop about the souls of my children. The enemy exists in powerful brigades through the media outlets and in the name of “entertainment”. We hear it in the music and see it on the screen and in the magazines. Newer, faster technology and “feeling good” without responsibility is what they feed our children. I couldn’t care less about having a cell phone that downloads movies. The moral fiber of this country is damaged to the point where a true daddy has to put on his armor every day to bring the fight to those who wish our children harm. It scares the heck out of me. I don't worry when they're riding their bike with no hands, running around in the horse pens or trying to catch a wild barn cat. I worry when they're inside with few options but to watch TV.
The risks facing Garrett right now are not just limited to his heart. They talk about “at risk” kids. Let me tell you, every kid today is “at risk”. I’ve seen some of these so-called kids shows. Most of them are garbage! Without daddy around him every day right now and Garrett being physically removed from an environment specifically designed to help him grow and mature properly, he is constantly in the cross hairs of the evil one and the immorality the TV screen is trying to inject into his mind. It’s more dangerous than any physical disease. I’ve been trying to find the right words to teach him about humility. I want him to look at every gift, every toy, and every card he receives from so many folks, and to put a face to them. I want him to understand that each gift is connected to the blessing of a person somewhere who loves and prays for him. It’s not just a toy; it’s a link to someone who took time to care. I hope he gets the message, because the alternative is gloomy. He did something tonight that shows me he is, though. He gave his sister one of his birthday presents, just because. It warmed my own heart.
So for all the fathers out there, I wish you a blessed Father’s day. Give your children some good ol' dirt. It will help clean them up and help them stay morally sound. For my Father’s day gift, I want my family home so badly and for life to be “normal” again. I hate the separation. I want my kids to be outside and getting dirty again. There’s chores to do.
JD
But for a day or two, we got to put it behind us and just be a family together again. These two days magnified the love I have for my family and my commitment to fight until my last breath to raise honest, ethical and self reliant kids who live every day for God. Being a daddy is a passionate vocation. In my line of work, I’ve seen too many kids who don’t have a daddy. Oh, they have someone who fathered them, but they don’t have a daddy to inspire and motivate them. God ordained daddies with a monumental task. We are to love our children enough to encourage them and give them courage, but also enough to discipline them and keep them focused on the right things. But we also have to balance it just right so as not to raise a spoiled, selfish egotist and not so hard that we break their spirit. With a prayerful iron fist in a velvet glove I try to give them what they need to survive. I just don’t know if I’m doing it right, but I’m giving it all I have. Fortunately, I have Kathy. Mommy's job is to make sure I'm on track. It is the most frequent prayer I offer to the most loving of Fathers. I don’t want to fail my children. I want to help them find their path to Heaven.
Before we turned in for the night I talked with the kids about the cleanliness of dirt. One of the best gifts I can give my kids is good dirt. The kind of dirt you’d find on a ball field, or a rodeo arena, or in a hunting camp helps inspire a clean life. I explained how healthy it is to get dirty cleaning pens or the dog kennel. It’s hard to express in words they can understand how calluses, splinters, blisters and dirt under the fingernails help them become better warriors. So many kind people got really dirty cleaning up our place a few weeks back, and they left that day absolutely sparkling clean.
Good dirt is one of the best ways there is to get clean. Few things clean the soul like good, clean dirt. Conversely, few things damage the mind and soul like evil dirt. The kind of grime you find on a computer screen or television produces filth unlike any other. Hollywood doesn’t give a pinch of owl poop about the souls of my children. The enemy exists in powerful brigades through the media outlets and in the name of “entertainment”. We hear it in the music and see it on the screen and in the magazines. Newer, faster technology and “feeling good” without responsibility is what they feed our children. I couldn’t care less about having a cell phone that downloads movies. The moral fiber of this country is damaged to the point where a true daddy has to put on his armor every day to bring the fight to those who wish our children harm. It scares the heck out of me. I don't worry when they're riding their bike with no hands, running around in the horse pens or trying to catch a wild barn cat. I worry when they're inside with few options but to watch TV.
The risks facing Garrett right now are not just limited to his heart. They talk about “at risk” kids. Let me tell you, every kid today is “at risk”. I’ve seen some of these so-called kids shows. Most of them are garbage! Without daddy around him every day right now and Garrett being physically removed from an environment specifically designed to help him grow and mature properly, he is constantly in the cross hairs of the evil one and the immorality the TV screen is trying to inject into his mind. It’s more dangerous than any physical disease. I’ve been trying to find the right words to teach him about humility. I want him to look at every gift, every toy, and every card he receives from so many folks, and to put a face to them. I want him to understand that each gift is connected to the blessing of a person somewhere who loves and prays for him. It’s not just a toy; it’s a link to someone who took time to care. I hope he gets the message, because the alternative is gloomy. He did something tonight that shows me he is, though. He gave his sister one of his birthday presents, just because. It warmed my own heart.
So for all the fathers out there, I wish you a blessed Father’s day. Give your children some good ol' dirt. It will help clean them up and help them stay morally sound. For my Father’s day gift, I want my family home so badly and for life to be “normal” again. I hate the separation. I want my kids to be outside and getting dirty again. There’s chores to do.
JD
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
June 16, 2010
I’ve been remiss lately at updating Garrett’s Journey and have been reminded of it this week. Sorry folks. Guess I got caught up in the week's activities and just waiting for God to give me new words that will help everyone track our little warrior’s progress.
We had a great last weekend. Garrett and Kathy surprised Jessi and I by showing up at the house Friday night! The doctors decided to give Garrett a birthday present by letting him come home for a day. It was really a tremendous experience for all of us. They got home just before dark and Kathy stopped the car about a third of the way down our lane. She just sat there for the longest time and took in the whole picture, being her first time home in nearly 3 months! All of the flowers and paint and clean up done by our old and new friends who blessed us with their energy and effort to give her just what she deserved – a beautiful home to see when she finally did see it. She was blown away!
Garrett jumped out of the car and ran to me calling “daddy, daddy, daddy” all the way. He jumped up in my arms and hugged me so tight he squeezed some water right out of my eyes. What a moment! I turned around a moment later and he was gone. I figured he would have run to see the animals, but instead I found him lying on his bed just giddy with excitement. That little guy missed his own bed so much he couldn’t wait to find his comfort zone.
We spent the next 24 hours as a family in our own home and the feeling was just perfect. It wasn’t fireworks or tears. It was just a tremendous, calm comfort that is difficult to describe but I miss it already. Here's hoping that August will find us here again, for good.
I sometimes get weary because I want this trial to be over and for us to be together, here at home, where the kids can be in their own environment riding horses, chasing after dogs and being country kids again. I worry at times that too much separation will cause their young minds to forget life here. Jessi unknowingly put my mind at ease and reminded me of our most precious blessings. Sometimes I need to be reminded not to sweat the small stuff.
Recently I’ve learned of some other families who are going through some very difficult emotional times and I thank God every day that Kathy and I have remained as one, and that our family is still intact. Too often I’ve seen families pulled apart by tragedy, disappointment or trials that life throws at them. We’ve certainly had our challenges in that department, but we make a daily decision to love one another and never let any earthly challenge override what God has built. About a month ago, Jessi was playing on my computer and I found a little note she had written. It said ...“My family is the best family there is. First of all my mom is a great cook she cooks the best food ever. Second of all my dad well he takes knaps most of the time but also he gets me whatever I want and takes me riding. Third my brother well first of all right now he`s in the hospital it`s not surprising to me cause he`s always is in there but who cares were still together and that’s what madders. But soon he`ll be out of here ’hopefully’ and back to himself well his onry self. That is my loving family. THE END
How accurate and honest are her words?! Not the part about "daddy" napping (I only fake nap :), but the “who cares were all still together”. That IS what counts. We are still together. Our hearts are forever bonded through this challenge by the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s amazing love. I truly don’t know how anyone can start a day without Jesus as their guiding Light.
Garrett’s been feeling good comparatively, and his heart rate has been holding steady in the low 110’s. So very close to the target range of the low 90’s. It’s clear we’re gainin’. He goes back in to the Hospital next week for another round of infusions, and then it’s more waiting until the biopsy. Regardless of the outcome, we know we’ll be ok because we are together, even when we're apart, and we’re surrounded by God’s Amazing Grace.
Tonight we offer more prayers of thanks for what we have, for the challenges that bring us closer to Him and we ask for His mercy on those who need Him most. We also, as always, pray for His comforting and protective mantle to blanket all of you who have walked this journey with us.
JD
We had a great last weekend. Garrett and Kathy surprised Jessi and I by showing up at the house Friday night! The doctors decided to give Garrett a birthday present by letting him come home for a day. It was really a tremendous experience for all of us. They got home just before dark and Kathy stopped the car about a third of the way down our lane. She just sat there for the longest time and took in the whole picture, being her first time home in nearly 3 months! All of the flowers and paint and clean up done by our old and new friends who blessed us with their energy and effort to give her just what she deserved – a beautiful home to see when she finally did see it. She was blown away!
Garrett jumped out of the car and ran to me calling “daddy, daddy, daddy” all the way. He jumped up in my arms and hugged me so tight he squeezed some water right out of my eyes. What a moment! I turned around a moment later and he was gone. I figured he would have run to see the animals, but instead I found him lying on his bed just giddy with excitement. That little guy missed his own bed so much he couldn’t wait to find his comfort zone.
We spent the next 24 hours as a family in our own home and the feeling was just perfect. It wasn’t fireworks or tears. It was just a tremendous, calm comfort that is difficult to describe but I miss it already. Here's hoping that August will find us here again, for good.
I sometimes get weary because I want this trial to be over and for us to be together, here at home, where the kids can be in their own environment riding horses, chasing after dogs and being country kids again. I worry at times that too much separation will cause their young minds to forget life here. Jessi unknowingly put my mind at ease and reminded me of our most precious blessings. Sometimes I need to be reminded not to sweat the small stuff.
Recently I’ve learned of some other families who are going through some very difficult emotional times and I thank God every day that Kathy and I have remained as one, and that our family is still intact. Too often I’ve seen families pulled apart by tragedy, disappointment or trials that life throws at them. We’ve certainly had our challenges in that department, but we make a daily decision to love one another and never let any earthly challenge override what God has built. About a month ago, Jessi was playing on my computer and I found a little note she had written. It said ...“My family is the best family there is. First of all my mom is a great cook she cooks the best food ever. Second of all my dad well he takes knaps most of the time but also he gets me whatever I want and takes me riding. Third my brother well first of all right now he`s in the hospital it`s not surprising to me cause he`s always is in there but who cares were still together and that’s what madders. But soon he`ll be out of here ’hopefully’ and back to himself well his onry self. That is my loving family. THE END
How accurate and honest are her words?! Not the part about "daddy" napping (I only fake nap :), but the “who cares were all still together”. That IS what counts. We are still together. Our hearts are forever bonded through this challenge by the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s amazing love. I truly don’t know how anyone can start a day without Jesus as their guiding Light.
Garrett’s been feeling good comparatively, and his heart rate has been holding steady in the low 110’s. So very close to the target range of the low 90’s. It’s clear we’re gainin’. He goes back in to the Hospital next week for another round of infusions, and then it’s more waiting until the biopsy. Regardless of the outcome, we know we’ll be ok because we are together, even when we're apart, and we’re surrounded by God’s Amazing Grace.
Tonight we offer more prayers of thanks for what we have, for the challenges that bring us closer to Him and we ask for His mercy on those who need Him most. We also, as always, pray for His comforting and protective mantle to blanket all of you who have walked this journey with us.
JD
Friday, June 11, 2010
June 11, 2010
Garrett's check up went well today. His heart rate is down to 111, which is the lowest yet! He's got another infusion scheduled for a couple of weeks down the road. Depending on how he responds they will determine when to conduct the next biopsy. They told us a few weeks ago that it may be the end of the year before he can come home. However, today they said that if the biopsy turns out good, we might be home by the end of July!!! Keep up the prayers, please.
Had some nice responses already to finding a horse for Garrett. Jessi and I will start checking them out next week. She and I discussed the possibilities when we went to her first barrel race of the summer last night. She did great and didn't knock down a thing. Ol' Pepper, a heading horse she stole from me, didn't bobble and he's fresh. Good horses are so fun to have.
We met another tough little cowboy last night. During the lead-line event for little kids, a 4 year old boy got bucked off of his momma's barrel horse. Little guy hit the ground like a lawn dart and stuck without a bounce. He didn't move. It scared us all pretty bad. I was the first one to him and was administering first aid triage. When I asked him if he hurt, he said it was his back. I asked him if it "felt like a punch or somebody poked you with a pencil". He looked up at me and said "it feels like I fell off a horse". We all cracked up. This is one tough little guy. Never even one tear. I gave him a "Cowboy Up" bracelet because he dang sure earned it. All he wanted to do was get back on. These little guys continue to teach us if we listen.
It was nice to have Jessi enjoying herself again last night. This whole situation has been pretty tough on her. She is bound and determined to find Garrett a good, solid and gentle horse. One that isn't crippled or will die in a year. She's wise beyond her years.
Garrett's attitude continues to shine. He's been feeling pretty good, with all things in perspective. He just wants to heal up and come home. He's not looking forward to more hospital time, but said "daddy, it's what we have to do". He's such a good boy, but I'm biased.
Appreciate all the kindness and prayers. God has blessed me and my family immensely, and we'll stay strong to finish this fight.
God bless you all and have a great weekend.
JD
"Dynamis Ex Cardias"
Had some nice responses already to finding a horse for Garrett. Jessi and I will start checking them out next week. She and I discussed the possibilities when we went to her first barrel race of the summer last night. She did great and didn't knock down a thing. Ol' Pepper, a heading horse she stole from me, didn't bobble and he's fresh. Good horses are so fun to have.
We met another tough little cowboy last night. During the lead-line event for little kids, a 4 year old boy got bucked off of his momma's barrel horse. Little guy hit the ground like a lawn dart and stuck without a bounce. He didn't move. It scared us all pretty bad. I was the first one to him and was administering first aid triage. When I asked him if he hurt, he said it was his back. I asked him if it "felt like a punch or somebody poked you with a pencil". He looked up at me and said "it feels like I fell off a horse". We all cracked up. This is one tough little guy. Never even one tear. I gave him a "Cowboy Up" bracelet because he dang sure earned it. All he wanted to do was get back on. These little guys continue to teach us if we listen.
It was nice to have Jessi enjoying herself again last night. This whole situation has been pretty tough on her. She is bound and determined to find Garrett a good, solid and gentle horse. One that isn't crippled or will die in a year. She's wise beyond her years.
Garrett's attitude continues to shine. He's been feeling pretty good, with all things in perspective. He just wants to heal up and come home. He's not looking forward to more hospital time, but said "daddy, it's what we have to do". He's such a good boy, but I'm biased.
Appreciate all the kindness and prayers. God has blessed me and my family immensely, and we'll stay strong to finish this fight.
God bless you all and have a great weekend.
JD
"Dynamis Ex Cardias"
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
June 9, 2010 - New Day, New Chance To Learn
Garrett’s 11th birthday was a blessed celebration! There was no doubt that we’d see this day, we just honestly didn’t know if it would be from a hospital bed. God gave to his momma and me the greater gift by allowing us to share this victorious day with a boy who was happy just to be at a ballpark. The game was great, the weather perfect and the moment now etched into our hearts forever. We arrived at the park in time for batting practice and stayed until the last pitch. There are more battles that lay ahead, but for now, life is good. And that’s good enough.
Today brought back a taste of reality. Being a cowboy kid, Garrett gets to learn about life differently than kids in town. Today was another example, as lost his ol' mare. He doesn’t know about it yet, and I’m going to wait to tell him. He doesn’t need another disappointment right now and this one will hurt. Only a few weeks back he’d cried missing home and whimpered about wanting to see his horse again. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to make that happen soon enough. She was a good ol’ mare and gave him lots of joy for the time God allowed us to have her. His momma and I will decide when to let him know. We just didn't see how knowing right now would help him heal. He's had enough kicks in the gut for a while.
Almost exactly two years ago, the mare developed a large tumor in her sinus. (See June 23, 2008) For reasons only known to our Creator, she sloughed the tumor and got better. A chance in a “billion” according to the vet. This time it wasn’t to be the same outcome. The tumor came back with a vengeance and she couldn’t breathe anymore. It came on fast and I’m grateful she didn’t have to suffer much. When Garrett comes home, he’ll find her buried next to the other kids’ horses in the pasture under the old cottonwood tree west of the house. Once again, good friends stepped up on a moment’s notice to help out. So many of you have been incredibly kind to us. Your compassion does not go unnoticed by us, and certainly not by God who said He “will render to every man according to his works.” Yours are great and deeply appreciated.
The situation gave the opportunity to discuss “Heaven” with Jessi as we try to understand it, and knowing that we cannot possibly know what God has in store for those folks who keep His word. Even the bible is very specific when it speaks of God’s private plans. “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him” [1 Cor. 2:9] In the face of a rough day I'm just awed by the timing of our Lord, allowing me to use this life lesson to teach and learn more about Him.
Jessi got to visit the grave tonight and say her goodbye. She took it hard because she loved the ol' girl, too, but also because she knows how hard it will be on Garrett. She placed some flowers on the mound, flowers that once again our wonderful neighbor picked up just for the occasion. It was sad, but being a cowkid herself and having been through this before, Jessi understands that we don’t own the animals in our world. They are made for us to care for, love and respect, and are just on loan from God for whatever time He determines. We knelt and said a prayer thanking God for the joy this old horse brought to our family and especially to Garrett. A smile came to Jessi’s face later when I explained that she will be a tremendous help to me because now I need to find Garrett another horse and I need her to try them all out until we find just the perfect one. (If anybody knows of a good solid, bomb-proof kids' horse, preferably one that's had a job and seen lots of cows and arenas, I've got a professionally trained heading horse I'm willing to trade straight across)
I wanted to share this story because I thought it really puts into perspective what is truly important in our lives. After an evening of complete fun and being able to forget (almost) what is going on inside Garrett’s body the loss of a beloved kid’s horse is sad, but every time we have to say goodbye to one, we are grateful for being blessed with many good horses over the years.
Although it was a tough start to the day, I can’t help but rejoice in the excitement we shared last night. It was a nice interruption to the daily battle. We keep working toward that day when Garrett will come home, and praying that God will allow that gift soon. Garrett has yet another in-house infusion in about a week or two, then more waiting and hoping the regimen will do its magic and make him well before the biopsy.
As I close tonight, I want to share another quick story I heard today that also really defines the “cowboy up” attitude. A 14 year nephew of a friend of mine had quite the wreck earlier this week and is gratful to be walking. He was riding a colt Monday afternoon when the horse flipped over on him, tearing his scrotum in half with the saddle horn. He suffered the traumatic removal of one testicle.
He was flight for life’d to Children's Hospital where he underwent emergency surgery. The doctors were able to re-attach the very important item and sewed him back together. After 24 hours he went back home, clearly upset when the doctors told him he couldn't rodeo for at least a month. "Cowboy Up" is just what it means. These tough cowkids don't have time to feel sorry for themselves. They just want back in the game.
Have a great week. You’re in our prayers.
JD
Today brought back a taste of reality. Being a cowboy kid, Garrett gets to learn about life differently than kids in town. Today was another example, as lost his ol' mare. He doesn’t know about it yet, and I’m going to wait to tell him. He doesn’t need another disappointment right now and this one will hurt. Only a few weeks back he’d cried missing home and whimpered about wanting to see his horse again. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to make that happen soon enough. She was a good ol’ mare and gave him lots of joy for the time God allowed us to have her. His momma and I will decide when to let him know. We just didn't see how knowing right now would help him heal. He's had enough kicks in the gut for a while.
Almost exactly two years ago, the mare developed a large tumor in her sinus. (See June 23, 2008) For reasons only known to our Creator, she sloughed the tumor and got better. A chance in a “billion” according to the vet. This time it wasn’t to be the same outcome. The tumor came back with a vengeance and she couldn’t breathe anymore. It came on fast and I’m grateful she didn’t have to suffer much. When Garrett comes home, he’ll find her buried next to the other kids’ horses in the pasture under the old cottonwood tree west of the house. Once again, good friends stepped up on a moment’s notice to help out. So many of you have been incredibly kind to us. Your compassion does not go unnoticed by us, and certainly not by God who said He “will render to every man according to his works.” Yours are great and deeply appreciated.
The situation gave the opportunity to discuss “Heaven” with Jessi as we try to understand it, and knowing that we cannot possibly know what God has in store for those folks who keep His word. Even the bible is very specific when it speaks of God’s private plans. “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him” [1 Cor. 2:9] In the face of a rough day I'm just awed by the timing of our Lord, allowing me to use this life lesson to teach and learn more about Him.
Jessi got to visit the grave tonight and say her goodbye. She took it hard because she loved the ol' girl, too, but also because she knows how hard it will be on Garrett. She placed some flowers on the mound, flowers that once again our wonderful neighbor picked up just for the occasion. It was sad, but being a cowkid herself and having been through this before, Jessi understands that we don’t own the animals in our world. They are made for us to care for, love and respect, and are just on loan from God for whatever time He determines. We knelt and said a prayer thanking God for the joy this old horse brought to our family and especially to Garrett. A smile came to Jessi’s face later when I explained that she will be a tremendous help to me because now I need to find Garrett another horse and I need her to try them all out until we find just the perfect one. (If anybody knows of a good solid, bomb-proof kids' horse, preferably one that's had a job and seen lots of cows and arenas, I've got a professionally trained heading horse I'm willing to trade straight across)
I wanted to share this story because I thought it really puts into perspective what is truly important in our lives. After an evening of complete fun and being able to forget (almost) what is going on inside Garrett’s body the loss of a beloved kid’s horse is sad, but every time we have to say goodbye to one, we are grateful for being blessed with many good horses over the years.
Although it was a tough start to the day, I can’t help but rejoice in the excitement we shared last night. It was a nice interruption to the daily battle. We keep working toward that day when Garrett will come home, and praying that God will allow that gift soon. Garrett has yet another in-house infusion in about a week or two, then more waiting and hoping the regimen will do its magic and make him well before the biopsy.
As I close tonight, I want to share another quick story I heard today that also really defines the “cowboy up” attitude. A 14 year nephew of a friend of mine had quite the wreck earlier this week and is gratful to be walking. He was riding a colt Monday afternoon when the horse flipped over on him, tearing his scrotum in half with the saddle horn. He suffered the traumatic removal of one testicle.
He was flight for life’d to Children's Hospital where he underwent emergency surgery. The doctors were able to re-attach the very important item and sewed him back together. After 24 hours he went back home, clearly upset when the doctors told him he couldn't rodeo for at least a month. "Cowboy Up" is just what it means. These tough cowkids don't have time to feel sorry for themselves. They just want back in the game.
Have a great week. You’re in our prayers.
JD
Monday, June 7, 2010
Birthday Boy
Tomorrow morning at about 1000 am, our beautiful little warrior will celebrate 11 years of victory! Actually, a little more.
On March 31, 1999 Kathy and I learned that the baby she was carrying had a sick heart. For 4088 days we have fought and prayed and rejoiced in each day our Lord has let us share our time on His earth with this wonderful child warrior. The littlest cowboy is getting big.
I'm writing this now because I won't be writing tomorrow. The doctors told us today that although Garrett's heart is not showing any signs of improvement, it's not getting worse either. What we are excited about is that his immune system is showing signs of getting stronger, so we can take him to a Rockies' game for his birthday. So tomorrow night, we'll be eating dogs and cheering our favorite baseball team.
Tonight when I got home, I was overwhelmed at the look of the place. So many kind folks cleaned and painted and planted flowers over the weekend. I can't wait for Kathy to see it, hopefully soon! I looked around and could not believe that such a sinful man as I could receive such blessings I purely don't deserve. But I am so grateful! As I was looking through the house, I knocked a picture from the wall in the kids' room. When I picked it up, I found a note on the back of it that I'd written to Garrett just days before he got his first heart in 2000, and days after they'd opened him up to band his arteries to buy him more time. At the time I wrote it, Garrett was in intensive care at the Children's Hospital. I'd like to share it.
January 14, 2000
To My Son Garrett-
Your mommy & I are so very proud of you. Each day you fight to see tomorrow’s sunrise. Each day you smile and show your love for life. Each day you hurt as your little broken heart vigorously works to bring you what you need. Each day your eyes glisten with the words only you can show. Your fight began so long ago, yet each day you win another round. Each day we pray for Jesus to hold you closer. Each day brings hope of more dreams to come true. My life has more meaning now because each day I love you more.
On March 31, 1999 Kathy and I learned that the baby she was carrying had a sick heart. For 4088 days we have fought and prayed and rejoiced in each day our Lord has let us share our time on His earth with this wonderful child warrior. The littlest cowboy is getting big.
I'm writing this now because I won't be writing tomorrow. The doctors told us today that although Garrett's heart is not showing any signs of improvement, it's not getting worse either. What we are excited about is that his immune system is showing signs of getting stronger, so we can take him to a Rockies' game for his birthday. So tomorrow night, we'll be eating dogs and cheering our favorite baseball team.
Tonight when I got home, I was overwhelmed at the look of the place. So many kind folks cleaned and painted and planted flowers over the weekend. I can't wait for Kathy to see it, hopefully soon! I looked around and could not believe that such a sinful man as I could receive such blessings I purely don't deserve. But I am so grateful! As I was looking through the house, I knocked a picture from the wall in the kids' room. When I picked it up, I found a note on the back of it that I'd written to Garrett just days before he got his first heart in 2000, and days after they'd opened him up to band his arteries to buy him more time. At the time I wrote it, Garrett was in intensive care at the Children's Hospital. I'd like to share it.
January 14, 2000
To My Son Garrett-
Your mommy & I are so very proud of you. Each day you fight to see tomorrow’s sunrise. Each day you smile and show your love for life. Each day you hurt as your little broken heart vigorously works to bring you what you need. Each day your eyes glisten with the words only you can show. Your fight began so long ago, yet each day you win another round. Each day we pray for Jesus to hold you closer. Each day brings hope of more dreams to come true. My life has more meaning now because each day I love you more.
“Do you know how much I love you?”
Always by your side. I will never leave you – I’ll be with you to greet each day.
Love, Daddy
I don’t remember when I bought this little picture, but I remember it struck me then, as it does now. It is a calligraphy of a small child in his jammies, on his knees, hands folded in prayer. Below the picture is the following caption “Let the little children come unto me, fore such is the kingdom of Heaven……….Matthew 19:4. I love this passage. Our Lord tells us many times how precious are the little children in His eyes. It is a passion of mine to seek and find the path that will lead me to Him, as a child.
Again, I don’t remember writing it, but I discovered it when the print fell from the wall of Garrett and Jessi’s bedroom wall. When I picked it up, I read what I had written some 11 years ago. It seems clear to me, looking back through my memories, that the man who wrote those words was one whose heart was breaking but refused to give up and expected only a positive outcome. I would not have written something to my son unless I expected that some day when he grew up, he would find and read those words. I can only assume now because of the job I do, that I wrote it so in the event I was ever killed in the line of duty, he would one day know how much I loved him then as I do today. And I still refuse to give up.
As we celebrate his 11th birthday tomorrow we'll think back to those early days when a hurting father was praying for his little warrior cowboy to get better. And he did get better. Time and again. And though he's still fighting today, my thoughts are still the same. I lift him up to the Greatest of physicians and ask for His healing touch. There are still more dreams to come true, and being able to hug him on his 11th birthday is but one of them.
Celebrate this great day with us by thanking God we're able to wish our Garrett a happy birthday. Thanks for being here with us.
Always by your side. I will never leave you – I’ll be with you to greet each day.
Love, Daddy
I don’t remember when I bought this little picture, but I remember it struck me then, as it does now. It is a calligraphy of a small child in his jammies, on his knees, hands folded in prayer. Below the picture is the following caption “Let the little children come unto me, fore such is the kingdom of Heaven……….Matthew 19:4. I love this passage. Our Lord tells us many times how precious are the little children in His eyes. It is a passion of mine to seek and find the path that will lead me to Him, as a child.
Again, I don’t remember writing it, but I discovered it when the print fell from the wall of Garrett and Jessi’s bedroom wall. When I picked it up, I read what I had written some 11 years ago. It seems clear to me, looking back through my memories, that the man who wrote those words was one whose heart was breaking but refused to give up and expected only a positive outcome. I would not have written something to my son unless I expected that some day when he grew up, he would find and read those words. I can only assume now because of the job I do, that I wrote it so in the event I was ever killed in the line of duty, he would one day know how much I loved him then as I do today. And I still refuse to give up.
As we celebrate his 11th birthday tomorrow we'll think back to those early days when a hurting father was praying for his little warrior cowboy to get better. And he did get better. Time and again. And though he's still fighting today, my thoughts are still the same. I lift him up to the Greatest of physicians and ask for His healing touch. There are still more dreams to come true, and being able to hug him on his 11th birthday is but one of them.
Celebrate this great day with us by thanking God we're able to wish our Garrett a happy birthday. Thanks for being here with us.
By the way, please notice the change in the name of Garrett's blog. Dynamis Ex Cardias ....this is the motto of the U.S.S. Dewey. The most heavily armed battleship type in our Navy, and the work "office" of our incredible neighbor's daughter Casey. Her shipmates have adopted Garrett and amazingly, their motto fits Garrett's Journey to a "T". The Will To Fight From The Heart - Dynamis Ex Cardias. Please keep these incredible warriors and defenders of our freedoms in your prayers.
As always, standing tall with you before the Cross that heals all hurts. Dynamis Ex Cardias,
JD
As always, standing tall with you before the Cross that heals all hurts. Dynamis Ex Cardias,
JD
Sunday, June 6, 2010
June 6, 2010
We had a really nice weekend overall. We celebrated Kathy’s birthday Friday night with family and she had her special day just about her. Garrett had really bad nightmares the past few nights, but short of having bad headaches and nausea on Saturday, has felt relatively good all weekend.
It’s very clear that the past few months away from home have impacted Garrett a lot. Because he’s limited on what he can do, he finds it naturally easier to sit around watching t.v. instead of running all over the place chasing dogs, hitting balls, riding his bike, climbing hay stacks, playing with kittens and generally having the summer fun of a country boy. Living downstairs in the “man cave” with his baseball cards, wrestling and bull rider toys is fine, but it’s not what summer is about. So I decided to build a toy for the kids so they can have a little of “home” with them while they’re stuck here. Some PVC & cement, some 45 and 90 deg. Connectors, a roping dummy head and some paint…….voila! A backyard roping toy. The kids cracked it out today and had a lot of fun. Of course it had to be painted the Rockies’ colors, so we named him “Rocky” the roping dummy. I posted a few pictures. They can drag it around and not hurt a thing. The perfect backyard cowboy kid toy!
I was telling a friend this weekend that it seems like this time in some ways is even tougher mentally than two years ago when he got his third heart. When he needed a heart transplant we were devastated, but hopeful. As soon as he got his heart we were able to set little goals to reach. Now we are living with this situation of more questions than answers. Everything is so uncertain. Hope still exists in its most precious form, but the wait is different. I guess that’s just the way it has to be, as Garrett would say.
I sprung a surprise on Kathy today. Some incredible folks from a local church, led by a very special couple, the Axtons, took on a huge project at our place while we’re gone. They cleaned, mowed, planted flowers and even got rid of my manure mountain that had been growing exponentially over the past year. With my weak glass-back, I’ve been putting it off until I could secure a skid steer. They approached me a little while back and teasingly told me we “didn’t have a choice” in the matter. They wanted to help. My only real request was that if they were going to do this, make it pretty for Kathy. When she comes home, I want her to see a beautiful home where she can sit in the mornings enjoying her coffee and let the troubles drain away. They didn’t disappoint.
They sent us a few photos and the place looks amazing! I can’t wait to see it. As embarrassed as I am to have someone else do my chores, we’re humbled and blessed beyond common words. I can tell you this, Kathy and I have already talked and we look forward to the day when we can pay this kindness forward for another family in need. When I showed Kathy the photos, she was excited but also quickly became very melancholy. She misses her home so much. Kathy hasn’t been there since this rodeo started over two months ago. Garrett, too, saw the photos and nearly started crying. I need to get my family home.
But as I lay here tonight thinking of this little bump in our trail I realize that life cannot be judged only by a single season. When we walk the halls of The Children’s Hospital, every season of life is there. We’ve been blessed to have experienced and/or seen all the seasons from the cold and grey to the warm and colorful. I tried to explain to Garrett tonight that our season of spring will come. We must get through the winter of this journey in order for God to present us with new life and the colors of our summer.
It will get better. As you can see from the photos, Garrett’s already feeling better. His heart rate is bouncing up again, but we have to remember it may take a year for his heart to heal completely. On nice days like this it’s hard not to let him run around a lot, but it was much too hot to let him play until it cooled down this evening. With time we pray his strength and endurance will only flourish and bring back the health he’d become so used to for a few years. Everything is in the hands of the One who brings us the spring and summer that we long for. He has the perfect plan and though it doesn’t make sense sometimes, I can’t help but think of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs from church; “Glory and Praise to our God, Who alone brings light to our days”.
May your days be well lit with the presence of our everlasting God. And please don't forget to keep praying for our troops. So many years ago today we lost many soldiers on the shores of France as they fought to preserve our freedom. I'm grateful for their sacrifice and to their families who shared them with us.
JD
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